When You Can't See the Whole Road

Retreats are an amazing way to disconnect - recharge - and to force yourself to stop making excuses. This weekend, I drove 7 miles away from my house - set up camp at a horse ranch - and got quiet. But, when I try to really get quiet - my “What If” brain actually gets really noisy! The stories I keep telling myself are like a blow horn telling me I need to take a writing class before I could ever write the book. I need to have all the answers before I can offer support to someone going through a tough time. I need to get the kids through college before I take time for me. These statements are simply not true. As my coach Leah Badertscher explained to me during my retreat this weekend… It is time to clear out the thoughts that don’t match where I am going.

But what if I don’t know where I am going? What if I can’t see the road or where it is leading me, but I still feel a calling to write? Leah asked me…. “Is this calling dangerous or is it just unfamiliar?” Good question. I’ve always chosen the road less traveled. In High school everyone thought I would play basketball because I was tall …. No thank you - I chose synchronized swimming. If the paved road was smooth - I always chose the bumpy gravel road for the stories. I have always wanted to experience life… all of life...

This weekend did not make everything clear - but it did help me find clarity and purpose. Deep down, I know I want to write. But when I say I want to write, and I don’t write until my checklist is complete - my energy and words do not match. If I don’t let myself really quiet down and practice writing…someone else will be writing my story.

So, the blog is back - Again… and instead of adding writing to my task list - I’m adding writing to my joy list…. and I look forward to the twists and turns along the road ahead.