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Journal

The stories that show up when you punt

My Dad the Coach

It has been a month since my last post. A lot has happened during this month. The horrible death of George Floyd, riots, protests, hate, anger, and so…much...fear. I wanted to write something from my heart, but honestly my heart has been hurting. The world is hurting, and this past month I needed to step back, look at the bigger picture and I needed to be willing to open my eyes to a new way of thinking. I have read articles, listened to podcasts and learned about the Black Lives Matter Movement. I have talked to so many people who are hurting. I needed to find peace so I went to the bible… and this blog had to take a little time out.

At CASA we train our volunteers about trauma. Trauma is tricky, as it will sometimes hide until it explodes like a bomb. Other times it will fester like salt in a wound, and cause sleepless nights, worry, and health problems. I have read a lot about trauma, but I did not truly understand trauma until I was diagnosed with cancer. I shoved the diagnosis down so fast and just set my eyes on treatment and survival. I did not let myself process the trauma that chemo, radiation and surgery were going to do to me because I just wanted to live. Then… fear exploded into anger… and it was not pretty. There is a lot of fear and trauma in the world right now…. and when fear festers, it becomes anger. And I have seen it happen to me, and I see it happening in the world. Life is hard and the world is not fair.

Every time I look to God’s word, I’m reminded that hard times and an unfair world is not new. Sin came in, and the world got hard. The first time I remember learning life was not fair was when I tried out for a club volleyball team in 7th grade. At the time, my dad was Assistant Athletic Director and sports was our life. Mom took us to football, basketball and baseball games as soon as we were born. Sports was always on TV and I thought I would naturally play sports when I entered into junior high. The problem is… I was not aggressive on the court, and honestly, I was not good. So when I tried out for the club volleyball team, I was cut. My friends made the team, but I was cut.

My dad could have demanded I get a place on the team… but he didn’t. Instead he came into my room (where I was crying) and told me a story of when he was in high school. He said he had tried out for the baseball team every year during high school, and was cut every year. (He later became an outstanding baseball coach… and football coach …. and MY favorite coach) Now, every time I don’t get a job, or something I want… I remember this story. Getting cut from a team, failing a test, not getting a job, or any of life’s disappointments hurt. (And now as a parent, I cannot imagine how much it hurt my dad)… but my dad knew that life was going to hurt, so with this failure he taught me I needed to get up the next day and keep trying.

Like a good coach, dad was always building me up and telling me I could do anything I wanted if I worked hard. He always supported and encouraged me. When I went to college, he would hand write me a letter every Sunday night so I would get mail every Tuesday. (I LOVED my Tuesday letters) When I lived with my grandma during my summer internship, I learned that he also wrote my grandma every Sunday… so we BOTH got mail on Tuesday! My dad showed me the kind of man I wanted to marry by the way he loved and continues to love my mom. He set the bar high, and I refused to settle for anything less…. I always told my friends I wanted to marry someone like my dad… and the first time my college friends met Steve, they said…. “You finally met your John Henry” - Yes I Did!

Today, as we celebrated Father’s Day at the lake, I was reminded that I’m blessed with the best. My heart hurts for the world, but my heart also overflows with love from my family and my friends. I hope the overflow of this love will spill out and somehow help the world. I have learned so much this month about what I did not know. (And I still have so much to learn). My parents taught me my way of thinking is not always right and I needed to be willing to look at both sides. (They also told me that the world would be really boring if it only had Marci’s…) My parents taught me the importance of learning something new everyday and that sometimes what we learn is hard - but when life gets hard we need to remember to get up and keep loving people and trying to make the world a better place than it was the day before. Merriam-Webster defines coach as: one who instructs or trains. My dad coached a lot of sports in his lifetime… but I am so thankful for the life lessons he taught me as my dad the coach. Happy Father’s Day Dad.

Marcianna Fehlhafer